It's nearly the end of the year, and I've seen nearly 365 films that I've never seen before (if you count re-watches, it's over 400, which makes me that much more mad that I didn't record re-watches in previous years). It feels kind of weird to finally be calling it (mostly) quits on this venture after completing it two and now nearly three years, but I'm looking forward to changing things up with all the extra free time I'll have next year, writing something with more substance, trying to say something meaningful and not forcing myself to consider films that evoke no real feeling from me. As it happens, there's at least one film this week that I appreciated, not because it was good (it's really bad) but because it was so strange that I actually felt something. So if you have the time, I'd like it if you read what I have to say about Wild Wild West. As always, check the links in the titles to get an idea of what each movie is about, I'm here to talk about my experience with them.
333. Wild Wild West (1999) - December 3rd
A little over thirty minutes in to this film there is a joke, wherein Will Smith's James West, after having previously seen Kevin Kline's Artemus Gordon dress up in drag as a disguise, goes over to a person in the same outfit, under a mask, and quips knowingly to the man, not realising that the man is in fact Artemus in disguise, and that the woman he just insulted was, in fact, a woman. If that sounds like a dull way to explain the joke, then I guess I feel inspired right now.
The reason why the joke, and in fact most of the jokes in this "action-adventure comedy steampunk western" flat out don't work is because the film decides before the reveal that there needs to be an obnoxious, spoken explanation of the joke. The punch line literally comes after the reason the joke is funny was inexplicably explained to the audience. It's the sort of thing that reminds you that no matter how much of this bombastic mess sounds entertaining on paper, the execution drags everything to a screeching halt just to make sure you go the joke. Oh, West is shaken by the fact that Gordon is using a severed head in his investigation and seems completely unconcerned? Better make sure he says "that's a man's head" four times at increasingly slower speeds just to make sure the audience gets the joke. Oh, there's an awkward and unfunny scene where the two argue about Gordon's false breasts? Better make sure that a person in the vicinity hears the words "touch my breasts" out of context more than once. It's a painful grind of dead air trying desperately to be funny.
Even when the jokes aren't as awkward as me when I'm confronted with a social situation, it's mostly made up of lame puns that even James Bond would frown out. Of course, at their worst (or best) these sorts of jokes happen quickly enough that they don't interrupt what little narrative flow the movie has and you can roll your eyes at them before throwing them in to the "so bad it's good" category. West kicks a man with knifes for hands out a window and says "That's it, no more Mr. Knife Guy," for example.
Of course, it all becomes that much better (or worse) when you stack Kenneth Branagh's Dr. Loveless, a man with no legs, a penchant for spiders, and a terribly excessive southern drawl that just reminds you how British he is. I imagine Branagh had a lot of fun with this role, because the movie is silly enough that he can chew the scenery and not feel out of place, but every line he utters combined with the accent he uses to utter them makes his entire presence in the film something unbearable. It reaches a sort of zenith of pain and entertainment when he calls a cross-dressing Will Smith "Ebonia", with emphasis on the "bone". It's not something that breaks the movie, since he actually injects some life back in to the movie after the first third managed to suck it all out, but it's like resuscitating a man with a knife in his gut; sure, he's alive, but now he's in constant pain. It's a shame that nothing about the movie's writing works (aside from basic structural tools like set-up and payoff, which it can't even do with subtlety), because the film actually has some impressive effects work for its day. Sure, it's a little hokey at times, but it's the sort of thing that feels like a throwback to the series the movie is based on, and it's often so far out that I can it for what the film is trying to make of it. - 3/10
334. The Lone Ranger (2013) - December 4th
This movie often lacks any real sense of tension, while also trying way too hard to be as bombastic as possible, and it's punctuated by an overlong script, complete tonal deafness and an unevenly stated performance from Depp. Hammer is effective in the leading role, and the story beats are functional somewhere amidst the bloat, but this film tries so hard to be high-flying adventure that it's often at the detriment to any other possible development. Any time the film gets a little sad, it has to try and awkwardly force some humour; not more than one second after Tonto reveals a tragic backstory, the scene is hit with a horse joke. I understand that bathos is a good tool take the edge off, but there could not have been less time for the backstory to breathe, and the moment is completely jarring as a result. The film does this quite a bit, and it feels more like a remedy to mistaken tension than a contrast to intentional tension, like the writer or director was worried something would feel too much and they decided to insert a distraction. If there had been moments to ponder the sad or serious nature of these sorts of moments, and let the jokes flows between story beats, then I could see what they were going for working, this simple adventure yarn with enough heart to punch when it needs to; as it is, the timing ruins the weight of any tragedy, and we're left with the film's climax feeling particularly bland. - 4/10
335. Scream 4 (2011) - December 5th
To be honest, if this movie had just followed the format of the first few minutes, in an ever-spiraling downward attempt to one-up jaded and genre-savvy audiences for cheap kicks, I probably would've enjoyed it more. That said, I quite enjoyed some aspects of the re-make lampoon, even if I didn't care for some other aspects. The call-out of every single horror franchise that's ever been re-made all done in one word vomit was actually pretty funny and is itself the best attempt by the film to highlight how ridiculous and creatively bankrupt the horror genre can be sometimes, and as obnoxiously self-aware of its own existence in this regard as ever. It's better than its predecessor, if not by much, but it's that much that makes the constant meta-commentary a little funnier this time, at least in how the film abhors its own existence as much as any horror franchise by the fourth entry that's also a re-make. - 5.5/10
336. To All the Boys I've Loved Before (2018) - December 6th
It feels fitting that (I'm fairly certain) the home in this movie is the same one from The Edge of Seventeen, because this movie is in a similar situation, not really doing anything new but being a really solid example of its own genre. Like all good examples, it has enough of its own thing going on that you can accept the tropes in stride and appreciate the new stuff that it has to offer through a familiar lens. - 7/10
337. Overlord (2018) - December 6th
I'm just going to keep saying Super Soldier Nazi Zombies, because if that isn't enough to convince you to see the movie, then I don't think it's your kind of movie. My full review can be found here. - 6.5/10
338. Infernal Affairs (2002) - December 7th
I guess I should have expected the movie that inspired The Departed to have an excellent story. Even though I enjoy Scorsese's directorial style considerably more than what I see here, this is still a really good police melodrama, wrapped up in some of the most fun and devastating twists and turns, fueled by some excellent set-up and pay-off across the whole film. - 8/10
339. The Transporter (2002) - December 8th
Why did people in the early 2000s try to make Jason Statham use an American (ish) accent? Half of his appeal is in how easily he can espouse lines for both action and comedy, and deadening this under a half-hearted accent that not only prevents him from really expressing himself feels like a bad idea. That said, I have the perspective of a couple dozen Jason Statham lead or supported films where his accent was key to his appeal, so, you know, benefit of hindsight and all that. If you don't think his accent is key to his appeal, I recommend you go watch Spy right now, then follow it up with Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and one of the Fast and Furious movies he's in (probably the 8th, it's not as good as the 7th but he gets more screen time), and then follow it up with The One and this. The accent is off-putting not only because it weakens his already limited range, but also because it's so fake sounding, and jarring after hearing his best work with his normal accent.
Anyway, this movie is fairly decent as a straight action movie; I could have done without the twists and turns that felt both half-baked and half-hearted, but what we're looking at is decent enough for me to care as little about what we're hearing as the director. If they'd had more focus, I could see them working, but as they are the twists just felt like an excuse to stretch out the scenes between the action scenes, getting especially ridiculous when they reveal two layers of the lead actress' deception on after the other. Still, stuff like Statham's rules and the way they play in to the action such as the first scene is neat enough for this to be a decent time. - 5.5/10
340. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) - December 8th
See this. My full review can be found here. - 9/10
Re-watches
67. Shrek 2 (2004) - December 8th
This still isn't the best Shrek movie, even if it has the best sequence in any Shrek movie. Seriously, the rest of the movie is fine, but the Holding Out For a Hero sequence is damn-near perfect. - 7.5/10
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