With exams under way I had to roll this back in to another fortnight installment and rush half of the entries on this list, but once again that's why half the movies on this list are bad and/or sequels: they're easier to write about because there's less going on. That said, there are just as many good or even great movies that I watched over the last two weeks, and I feel like I was able to say something of substance about at least a couple of them. As always, follow the link if you want a summary of the plot.
149. Constantine (2005) - June 4th
Peter Stormare shows up in everything, apparently. Not that I'm complaining, it's just surprising the number of movies I go in to with no background on the cast and he just happens to be here.
Gothic-noir classic it ain't, but Constantine is the sort of film I can't help but like largely due to how much a younger me would've lost his mind over it. It reminds me of films like The Crow (though Constantine isn't as good); a great soundtrack, Gothic imagery, and more edge than a razor blade factory, Constantine seems to want to create the same sort of atmosphere. In some scenes this works (mostly in the second half right up until the finale, where Constantine uses edge to show the devil that camp is the true way), and even when it doesn't I have to credit the film for keeping up the consistency. The film is as perpetually angry as its main character, and actually changes as he does, even when that causes a tonal clash, so as much as I don't think some of it works I appreciate the commitment to the goal. It helps that when the film becomes irrevocably cheesy that the principle actors guiding those scenes are Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare; Swinton can do anything, but most importantly here she can be exactly as over the top as she needs to be, and Stormare is just permanently over the top and shapes the movie around him to suit. Even as the film ramps up in its absolutely insane last moments and seems to go off the rails, the two actors are encapsulating enough in their performances for us to not really mind that the plot and tone have gone all over the place. It's a solid film, with a great cast and a lot of style, which allows it to get by just fine. - 6/10
150. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) - June 5th
The Nightmare series has always had more going on the the average horror series, so even when this is the worst one I've seen yet, it's still better than most bad horror sequels by a decent margin just by maintaining the series' signature creativity and memorability when it comes to body horror. That said, it is still the worst Nightmare I've seen yet (though Freddy's Dead and the remake are still on the horizon), largely because the plot and theming are so conflicted and the performances are barely serviceable at the best of times (obviously this is Nightmare so a bit of off the cuff cheesy acting as comedy is par for the course, but that doesn't make it all intentional). If the acting worked and the issues of the film weren't hackneyed and far too wrapped up in the supernatural stuff to be truly coherent, the blue filter and Gothic tone might actually work for more than just aesthetics, but as it is the film is just awesome grotesque visuals and weak everything else. - 4.5/10
151. Videodrome (1983) - June 6th
I'm still not entirely sure what I watched.
This is like a bad nightmare as a cautionary tale, a commentary on the dangers of mass media that's effective because it feels dangerous to my health. Exploring the impact of media and media consumption through Cronenberg's uniquely disturbing lens, Videodrome also sees one of James Woods' best performances of his career. The film is designed to mess with you as it does with Woods' sleazy Max, and Woods' performance is genuine enough to amplify the impact of the weirder aspects of the film. It's strange, and painful, and the sort of film you wish upon no-one but can't help recommend. When James Woods' torso turning in to a video cassette isn't even the most disturbing thing to happen, it's hard not to be so engrossed as to suggest seeing it. - 7/10
152. Hereditary (2018) - June 7th
Straight-up, this is the best horror movie in years. It's so calculated and atmospheric, a slow-burn with the goal of wrenching the control a viewers feels away from them, so starkly uncomfortable and yet hypnotic. My full review can be found here. - 9/10
153. Blue Jasmine (2013) - June 8th
Cate Blanchett does some of her best work in this Woody Allen flick that's considerably darker than his usual schtick. This movie has a lot of Allen's marks, from the way it uses its location as a character, to the verbose conversations the characters have with one another, but it's all framed with a story that's heavier than I would expect from him, ending a note that is, regardless of how much you might dislike Jasmine, pitiable. That said, a lot of the sympathy I have for the character at story and at wit's end is probably derived from the fact that Cate Blanchett is perfect and that this is one of her best performances (second only to Carol, in retrospect, but I saw Carol first); she makes the character so human, suggesting a greater complexity to everything that she says and does, exhibiting real fear and anger and poorly hidden insecurity. Jasmine makes a lot of poor choices because she thinks she needs the high life to survive, and despite her best efforts can't get back there on her own, as she slowly comes to grips with her new place in the world, and can't stand it. Were she played with any less skill she'd be little more than a spoiled brat, but Blanchett begs for understanding as she searches for a life saver, her economic condition and the reaction to it treated something akin to her mental state. It's in the writing and direction, too; Allen lingers when we need to see her weakness and offers some clever wordplay to reinforce a thematic connection between Jasmine's deteriorating sanity and the loss of her high life. There's also no shortage of talent around Blanchett for her to play off of, with Sally Hawkins and Alec Baldwin offering the best roles for Jasmine to contrast with. If you didn't get the hint already, this is worth seeing because Blanchett is perfect, but it's also really well written and acted by everyone involved. - 8/10
154. UHF (1989) - June 9th
A Weird Al 80s movie that's at once a satire of 80s movies and a feel good 80s movie in and of itself seems like a recipe for excellence, but this is a largely middling affair with comedy that lands lame more often than funny. I appreciate the energy Al and everyone involved applies, even to the formulaic nature of the story, but as pure comedy this is the definition of hit-or-miss, with the misses thankfully being simple bland and inoffensive as opposed to aggressively unfunny. Still, the funniest part of this to me was that I somehow managed to watch two 80s movies about UHF TV stations in one week, I hadn't originally planned on that at all. - 5/10
155. A Wrinkle in Time (2018) - June 9th
... I mean, Reese Witherspoon turning in to flying lettuce isn't even the weirdest thing that happens in this movie.
I have to give the makers of this movie credit for their earnest approach to a kid's movie; for all its freewheeling plot points, precocious kid stuff, and heavily on-the-nose dialogue that substitutes actually feeling for simply telling us how to feel, the film is clearly designed to attempt a childlike wonder with these traits, something made purely for kids. It's not particularly successful at this, as it largely feels emotionally empty (save for the reunion between Meg and her father, which gets undercut by his next actions) but still, give credit for trying, and with all the flashy visuals, it at least looks good, and shares a handful of good scenes (the back and forth between Galifianakis and Witherspoon was great, and the darkness montage showed at least as much as it told). It's a shame, too, because these flashes of inspiration and visual essence suggest what could have been a better film; something great when all we got was serviceable. - 5/10
156. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) - June 11th
Freddy Kruger, horror icon, has been turned in to Wile E. Coyote.
This movie tries so hard to be funny while still wanting to find the time to be creepy without earning that mix. It plays like one of the newer Texas Chainsaw movies, giving an unnecessary background to try and humanise a character who has been mercilessly and gleefully murdering scores of people in increasingly grotesque and creative ways, but here it's even worse because they decide to juxtapose it with macabre comedy sketches that feel like a bad Looney Tunes ripoff. Seriously, Freddy drops a guy in a dream, and then pushes a set of spikes to wear the guy will land, and they even take the time to let Freddy act out of breath and then look at the camera before brutally impaling the guy. It's such a tonally dissonant mess, wanting horror and comedy but failing at both and having no idea how to mix them. Freddy's Dead doesn't even have the redeeming creativity of its predecessors, the kills and designs are largely flat and boring (save for a couple, but that's part of why this isn't rated lower). This is really terrible, and I feel bad for calling The Dream Child the worst Nightmare on Elm Street. - 3/10
157. Midnight in Paris (2011) - June 12th
A film as soft as cheese, Midnight in Paris is hardly Allen's most revelatory movie, but the combination of whimsy and nostalgia revealing itself to be no better than what we have now is an idea that I appreciate; recognising the past as past, realising that what we see it as through our nostalgia is little more than an idealised fantasy, and learning to see the good in the present around us, it's all good stuff that isn't exactly discovery of the century but is still valuable enough a thing that everyone should hear at least once in their life. Owen Wilson plays the part of the Woody Allen type very well, in fact he's more pleasant overall for the lack of paranoia and neuroses; he's more sympathetic, intentionally played to how he's written as an over-romantic (and therefore naive) sap. It's nice how that progresses over the course of the movie in to something more nuanced, and how that plays off of the simple caricatures of characters around him. - 7.5/10
158. Encounters at the End of the World (2007) - June 13th
Herzog documentaries are always great, careful and sober examinations of incredible locations and the people who put themselves there; Encounters is much the same. I love how much of himself he puts in to his work, the eagerness to get out in to the Antarctic wilderness, the respectful approach to everyone else's perspective, the willingness to learn and see the appreciation of the world through other people's eyes, it's all so consistent across his work, offering insight in to such small and remote places with immutable enthusiasm ponderous nihilism. Herzog offers such particular slices of life with work like this, the humanity of it all, and his quiet dignity lulls you in to a calm that helps you accept the journey he takes you on as your own. - 8/10
159. Incredibles 2 (2018) - June 14th
When your predecessor is one of the greatest animated films of all time, being not quite as good as a sequel still makes for an excellent movie. My full review can be found here. - 8/10
160. Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) - June 15th
Oh my goodness this is so dumb and I love it. Seriously, an 80s musical starring Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans about a manicurist that catches her husband cheating right before three weird aliens crash land in her swimming pool and change her life; how have I not seen this before? This is light as a feather, absurd and strange, and utterly enjoyable for how silly it all is. There's some themes of security versus freedom at the personal level as Val (Davis) comes to terms with whether or not she can forgive her husband and how she feels about alien Mac (Goldblum), and a few shallow comments on sexuality and the culture thereof, but the stuff is simply entertaining for how silly it all is in its approach; the fact that Carrey gets a long tongue and Wayans tears up the dance floor should be enough of an indication without spoiling how weird this movie gets with it. It's also pretty consistently funny, depending on how tickled you are by the odd impersonations the alien trio make and a little situational irony. I definitely recommend this movie, but I'm not sure who I'd recommend it to. It's like over-saturated bubble gum, marshmallow and cookie dough ice cream; clearly way too much and hardly good for you, but something that's so clearly over the top that you have to give it a try just to find out how much. - 6/10
161. Upgrade (2018) - June 16th
An unoriginal film with unique spins on familiar ideas that's also very well directed. My full review can be found here. - 7/10
162. F the Prom (2017) - June 16th
This is the third movie I've seen that originated from a YouTuber, and while it's not as incessantly offensive as Not Cool (though in retrospect, it's way closer to Not Cool in terms of humour than any film should be) nor as entirely niche and unfunny as Smosh: The Movie (I only laughed once at a joke in Smosh, and it was the very last joke, whereas F the Prom managed to squeeze two whole chuckles out of me), the pedestal from which it preaches makes F the Prom the YouTube culture equivalent to the likes of such movies as God's Not Dead; that is to say, it's so inept at conveying its own points in any way that can be taken seriously because the film tries way too hard to force them without giving them a believable or relatable context. I'd go so far as to say it's even worse than the likes of God's Not Dead, because as laughably bad as those movies are, they at least take themselves consistently seriously; F the Prom uses intentionally extreme caricatures to make cheap and unfunny jokes and then tries to either straw man those same characters in a weak effort to have some sort of point or rip the film's characters out of their comedic context altogether for an unearned dramatic moment. Nothing about this film sticks, it just tries a hundred different ways to tell about five different jokes that weren't funny the first time while trying to appeal to internet culture with a poorly realised #message that amounts to little more than "high school sucks sometimes and technology has made some aspects of it worse." The film even ends with a hashtag to try and be trendy. That sort of statement is not only incredibly shallow and hardly unobserved, it also has no impact in this case because F the Prom spends the rest of the movie trying to make terrible jokes out of the caricatures it specifically overdoes for the sake of making terrible jokes. This is probably the worst movie I've seen all year, and I'm glad to say that it's so bad I think I've dug as deep as I can go in 2018. - 1/10
163. Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (2000) - June 17th
With this I've seen every Godzilla film released up to this point (except City on the Edge of Battle, which isn't available in Australia yet). To be completely honest, this isn't exactly a high note to end it on, but with Godzilla: King of the Monsters coming out next year and Godzilla vs. Kong soon after, as well as the continued release of Toho films, it won't be the end for long. It's a good time to be a Godzilla fan.
As for Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, a little context first. While the Showa era produced an embodiment of the nation's pain and turned it in to a commercial enterprise primarily aimed at children and the Heisei era created a serial that was at once about Godzilla's impact and a meta commentary on the impact of the Godzilla franchise (side note: this is the sort of thing Star Wars is doing right now with its sequel trilogy so I fully expect that to take Marvel's focus after they're done with the Infinity War arc), the Millennium era was a simple anthology series that experimented with the concept of Godzilla. None of the movies in this series are connected in any way, each one instead behaving as if it were the sole sequel to the original film, and as a result they each had the opportunity to play around with the Godzilla property without having to adhere to any rules set up by previous installments (with one exception; Godzilla Against MechaGodzilla was successful enough to warrant a sequel). As a result, it produced a handful of films that are essentially a bunch of Godzilla's greatest hits, with some of them playing with old familiar ideas in new ways, and others trying to do what we know a little better than before.
Megaguirus is one of the latter, mostly re-treading familiar concepts for a Godzilla movie with little mix-up, aside from using a couple of goofy horror tropes for Godzilla's titular opponent and showing off a different kind of disaster that can be caused by such creatures. It's not bad, in fact its production value is quite high for a Godzilla movie and its themes and plot, if unoriginal, are at least produced competently, it's just that after thirty-two films there's nothing that really sets this apart; there's no themes or concepts that feel particularly new and Megaguirus is hardly memorable, so we're left with something that's slightly better than okay. The closest it gets to standing apart from its kin is with its human story, which has actual personal motivation related to Godzilla placed with a character capable of doing something about it; apart from that, it's just business as usual. - 5.5/10
Re-watches
39. Hellboy (2004) - June 7th
Del Toro is just the best, and while Hellboy isn't as good as Hellboy II, it's still a damn good movie that shows off the best of del Toro's stylistic attributes and Ron Perlman's acting abilities. The characters and mysticism are all really bizarre, but these attributes are approached with such glee that they work; there's no pretense here, just a joyful take on a lot of weird stuff made accessible by the enthusiasm of those who create it. It's like a metaphor for Hellboy himself; something with an abstract background made human by those around it; eldritch horrors and literal demonic origins doesn't stop him from being more than what he started as, and the potential negative impressions of those strange concepts upon an audience are nullified by just how well Perlman plays him and how human del Toro portrays him. - 7/10
40. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) - June 8th
A few things before I get in to this. First, I grew up reading the books and as a pedantic child obviously cared way too much about the lore and the differences between the books and the movies. Second, this is the best Harry Potter movie by a decent margin. Third, the time travel stuff makes sense and doesn't open up any 'plot holes', it just doesn't use the same time travel theory as the likes of, for example, Back to the Future; it's a stable causative reality loop, not something you can just go back and change over and over (as an aside, I hate how much poor or incorrect use of the term 'plot hole' has proliferated: a plot hole isn't about having 'enough' information, it's about having conflicting information. In the case of Azkaban, even if you could go back in time and change things any time you wanted with a Time Turner, the fact that they didn't isn't a plot hole, and to suggest that it is one is lazy, obtuse, and invalid criticism).
Anyway, Prisoner of Azkaban is the best Harry Potter movie for a few reasons. The film is the transition between its whimsical predecessors and the darker, more mature follow-ups, and as a result it gets the best of both worlds, able to play things incredibly heavy without feeling disconnected from what came before; it can have really horrifying moments (before everyone started dying, the scene where the Dementors try to suck out Sirius' soul was the darkest moment by far) and a painfully bittersweet ending, but still find the time to goof around and really remind us of the friendly humanity that helped endear us to so many of the characters in the first place (Harry messing with Malfoy in the snow is a really solid scene that reinforces the connection between Harry, Ron and Hermione, and the 'execution' scene is so damn hilarious the second time around). The film has basically everything that people love about the Harry Potter series contained in the one movie, and in the hands of bad filmmakers that might've turned Azkaban in to a tonal mess, but thankfully this was put together by people who know and care enough about what they're to doing to make something great.
Alfonso Cuaron's directorial skill elevated the visual style and communication of the series, and enhanced the source material in the process. So much more in this movie can be understood visually, from specific details such as the tension between Ron and Hermione (seriously, the rest of the series mostly forgets this until it's time to make it actually happen, whereas this movies references it over and over again) to the more general consistency of utilising long takes to economically convey information while re-framing ideas as they're explored through dialogue without having to cut (my favourite example of this is at the Leaky Cauldron when Arthur Weasley takes Harry aside to talk about Siruis Black; the way they shift constantly and become more secretive while the film always put Black at the centre is really good work). This film goes above and beyond what was expected of it, and sets a standard that never quite gets met again for the rest of the series. - 8/10
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